Hey y’all! I know it’s been awhile since we’ve been here…I’ve been trying to soak it all in and see what’s coming next for me. Let’s do a quick recap, if you don’t mind…
Mom got her copy of 100 and she’s mega-proud, because I’ve finally done something with my life.
The book is doing well…so well in fact, that I’m gonna take a trip out to Portland, from Central NY, for a launch party. And there ain’t no party like a Portland party cuz a Portland party don’t stop. Or something. It’s fitting though that this long road I’ve been on between struggle and grief and sacrifice and pain and the doubts of not knowing…will get not only a showcase but a decent full-scale celebration as part of the Eliezer Tristan launch. Crazy, I know…but still a lotta work to do on my end, promotion-wise.
Then there’s these…thanks to my man Aaron, better known as Cultural Savage…postcards and handouts. Yes, it’s a 5-picture IG album. Get on it or get over it.
It’s all so overwhelmingly awesome. And it’s also scary…dealing with depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia means travel can often be uncomfortable and hella stressful. I usually travel by bus (primarily from CNY to my mom’s in Western New York, so relatively short distances), but it never fails…something always seems to go wrong when I take the Greyhound, which makes me even more miserable and uncomfortable. I’m not happy and settled until I get to where I’m supposed to be, and it drives me nuts, which also drives me nuts in turn that it drives me nuts. Call it a perpetual cycle of nut-driving, if you will.
But flying? Flying definitely freaks me out, and I don’t know why. Add to it that I’ll be meeting a lot of really cool people for the first time…and that’s like anxiety’s perfect cocktail. But hey, let’s throw in the unpredictability of fibro…waking up not knowing what’s gonna hurt, or when or why or how much and for however long (for example, a few days ago I managed to cramp up both my calves just trying to get out of bed and I’m still working through that) so yeah, super-sized cocktail. Yesterday I was fine until I took a shower, and one side of my neck started bothering me. Today, it’s the other side…the kind of pain where you have to turn your whole body to look to the side, and that’s really inconvenient when you’re trying to cross the street. My body’s a roulette wheel and the house always wins.
But fuck it…I’m determined to make this one of the best experiences of my life, one way or another. I’m gonna get to see the Pacific Northwest, hang out with a great team of people who have all contributed to this new saga in my life in one way or another, and I’ll get to share my words with an entirely new audience. I’m not gonna let my body stop me as long as I can manage myself long enough for the trip, and I’ll figure out a way to override my brain when the creeping doubts and toxic thoughts about backing out begin to seep in. This is my shot. I’ve got to make the most of it and see what happens…it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience in an existence dotted with negative “only this would happen to me” situations.
With that said, let’s launch into another playlist, huh? Good tunes…anthem-quality sing-alongs and road trip essentials (well, at least my essentials), and just me, trying to remember the things I’ve learned about Mindfulness and staying in the moment:
- Eminem, “Lose Yourself”
- Redman feat. Erick Sermon, “Whateva Man”
- The Beatles, “Help!”
- Wilco, “Sunloathe”
- T. Rex, “Thunderwing”
- The Killers, “This River Is Wild”
- Better Than Ezra, “Normal Town”
- The Drifters, “This Magic Moment”
- Further Seems Forever, “Hide Nothing”
- William DeVaughn, “Be Thankful For What You Got”
- Karen O and the Kids, “Rumpus”
- Hail Mary Mallon, “Knievel”
As always, this is my music and if you don’t like it, remember, I didn’t invite you! And I’m pretty sure my iPod is still louder and cooler than your Spotify or TIDAL or whatever it is the cool kids do for music these days. But I still love you! Thanks and peace and hope you’re all well!